"Is it time to let go of your relationship? Why the answer for me was, yes.

Having dinner together is not fun anymore, there is no intimacy, finding time to spend together feels like an “intrusion ". After evaluating all of these feelings and more, I felt sadly that it was time to end my relationship. I will start with this old cliche…"Life is short" and then I added, "Life is short and then, it’s shorter than that"

Breaking up after investing years into a relationship can feel like losing a part of your identity. The shared memories, dreams, and routines suddenly stop, leaving you with a mix of sadness confusion, and sometimes oddly enough, relief. This seismic shift in my personal landscape has forced me to confront a range of emotions. I am acknowledging them all, allowing myself to feel sad and even angry sometimes. I'm still running the gamut of emotions after 3 months, which are all varied and still feel valid. I tell myself that I am not the first nor the last to go through this.

What's the big deal; I'll get through it, right?

Well, it's a bit of a slippery slope because there are days when I feel I'm totally crushing this new way of being alone in the world and then there are other days when I feel I'm walking through the world sideways. The dating terrain is an abysmal place to dwell. It's a place to visit but you don't want to live there. Now, older and more deeply committed to my career, I find that I'm apathetic about integrating someone new into my life. It is markedly more challenging than it was when I was younger. As my professional and personal landscapes evolve, so too does the complexity of meeting new people. The effort to "work" someone new into my routine feels indeed like "work", making it difficult to imagine starting fresh with someone else.

Amidst this personal upheaval, I'm also considering a significant career change. The convergence of these two life-altering events was not planned and has been emotionally overwhelming. So far I am taking the pedestrian course of keeping busy, hanging out with friends and family....trying not to spend too much time alone. I am fortunate in that, I have a lot of "lives", and there is always work to do to maintain them; staying busy helps a lot. Living in the vibrant NYC metropolitan area offers countless opportunities to develop new routines. From exploring new restaurants to attending theater shows and concerts, the city is bursting with activities.

In the inevitable quiet times, I have been trying to reflect on my relationship objectively. I've been trying to understand what worked and what didn't. I think it's valuable to recognize my role within the relationship's dynamics, not to assign blame, but to learn and try and grow from the experience. In the meantime, I'm going to embrace being single and enjoy the freedom to make decisions purely for myself, without compromise. I’ve set no strict timeline for my recovery, choosing instead to be patient with myself and give myself time to heal and restructure.

Breaking up after a long-term relationship is definitely one of life’s greater challenges. However, it also marks a pivotal point for self-discovery and personal growth. As I navigate through this part of my life, I'm focused on not just moving on but moving forward, with newfound resilience and valuable life lessons from my past. Waiting for a phone call, just wanting to chat with someone, wanting someone to just pay attention to you and care about the day you had, it's hard not to dwell on those small yet significant things. I have to allow time to guide me back to a place where I can once again experience life by myself—a skill I had before my relationship and now must relearn.